Life So Far, and The Pursuit of Life

Remember the time I was nearly depressed I wrote everything off in here? Or the time I finally coped my anxiety by retreating myself from civilisation for roughly two days? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm so relieved to say that this post will be the end of my 2017 struggle trilogy. At least for now. Sigh. Here it goes, my own version of happy ending:

I got an offer to study in London to continue my artistic endeavour. 

I pinched my cheeks millions of times to get the sense that I'm not dreaming or hallucinating, but yes, it was there, an offer letter, lingering inside my inbox. A month of hermitage accompanied with blood and tears, plus doing nothing except focusing myself for this has come to the end.

Call me crazy, because I never work being too ordinary (thank you Paul McCartney for this wonderful quote). It has been my longing to continue my study in a further level, and I choose to start it right away has been in my plan for at least before I even start my bachelor degree.  I have several reasons for it, at least:

  1. Starting postgraduate course right away let me being much more focused. These knowledge that I got in my mind are still fresh enough for me to recall.
  2. I prefer to call this a chance to be more specific on what I am going to be. In my case, graphic design is a huge industry, and honestly I don't even ace some of the aspects in it (shout out to packaging design and photography). Getting another chance to continue studying design might give me a chance to fully discover my potential (hello, illustration, culture, and research!).
  3. A much more obvious reason: my parents are supporting my decision.
  4. Another obvious reason: I'm young and free in terms of relationship (meh). No strings attached. Duh. It's a quite dumb reason, but still relevant, isn't it? :')
  5. And many other reasons that might take forever to write.

So... How's everything going? 

I am quiet surprised on how easy everything actually went on for my admission. It started from a quiet big research on universities I might want to join back when I was doing my thesis (an effective way to procrastinate). I found out that London is a great (or perfect, in my case ;_;) place to study art, therefore, making it my first choice. Some other cities like New York also went to my list, but it quickly gone after I consult it with my parents.

I've came across two other universities to consider in London: the one that I finally get into, and the other one. And what about the course? Well, I initially want to continue my further study in illustration, but it was so hard for me to keep up due to the illustration course starting this September. I'm not quite ready for everything if it is this September, honestly. I dropped the illustration course and went to January 2018 course instead. It gave me much more time to breathe, at least.

There were some requirements that I must fulfill for my admission to the course. One of them, that quiet driving me crazy was an English proficiency test. I messed up with it, and it lead me to double take the test. Nevertheless, I passed the requirements recently and I am quiet satisfied with the results. Another one that made me quiet dazed is essay. Two essays, to be exact. I spent my entire 2 weeks writing an at least decent essay about why I really want to study in postgraduate level and what will I do in the next 5, even 10 years from now.

Then, I submitted them alongside with my portfolio, and 10 days later the university invited me for a telephone interview. I was at Yogyakarta that time, so I guess I was in a right place that day and I could at least be a little bit relaxed, because I hate phone calls. By the way, have you noticed it yet that I tend to retreat myself to my hometown (re: Solo and Yogyakarta) anytime something big happening to myself? The last time I was stressed out when it was almost my final thesis defense back then in December 2016.

I'm pretty sure that I didn't do well on the interview. I sounded stupid, well, in my own opinion. The next 10 days until I ultimately got the offer was a living hell. I was super insecure about everything. One time during an evening family gathering a relative said "how's your progress? What will you do if you fail?"

But glory to the highest deity, I didn't have to do any plan B, before I even had any thoughts of it.

Then, what's next?

I don't know. Everything still so blurry. Though I believe this is still the beginning of a journey. Everything will follow anyway, from getting a tier 4 visa, farewell to my home country, starting a new life ahead,  trying not to spend to much, getting new friends, trying not to crave for nasi padang and bakmi while being there, and many more. Gosh, it kind of scares me.

But life begins at the very end of your comfort zone, right?

I always believe of dreaming big. I am always been a dreamer, no matter how crazy it is. I always remember to stick on my biggest dream since I was a young kid: to step my foot to my most favourite place ever. As crazy as it sounds, life itself guides myself to it. I found out that London offers me a place where I can grow. To be a better person. This is my pursuit of life.

So, can we be good friends, dear London?


  1. wow.. congrats CN! well done and good luck! can't wait for your stories there. hehehe

    p.s: will (hopefully) soon post your challenge. hahaha

  2. I just read this post and I'm so excited for you! Congratulations and good luck for starting everything. It's not going to be easy, we all know, leaving our comfort zone, but you can't be more proud of yourself if you let yourself trying a lot of different things.

    London is definitely my favorite city in the world, and I'm pretty sure it will be yours too as you step on the city <3

  3. Sometimes we have to move from our comfort zone to reach something bigger. Congratulations :)


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