I'm Okay, But I'm Not, But I'm Okay

An illustration with no actual correlation with the following texts. Thank you.

"Oh, I can't believe it's November already," The author says as she slowly dust off figurative cobwebs across her virtual space.

"My most favourite month, yet the time I'll be looking so pathetic for being older..."

".. because indeed I should've stayed 17 or at least 21 years old for the rest of my life," she mutters as she releases a big sigh.

Just kidding, everything had gone so well as far as I could remember (except the fact that I am officially a year closer to death real life, like my brother with a vivid black sense of humour said) . I occupied free times with some freelance works, personal projects, and working as a lecturer's assistant at my campus every Tuesday and Friday because. My CAS Statement for London arrived on a quiet mid-October. I just got my tier-4 visa done last week. I finally settled up with my decision on where to live while in London.

And now, it's the waiting game that will take its turn. All is well. A month will not be so long.

But here's the plot twist. The story you just read are the affirmations for the biggest, fattest anxiety issues over my pre-departure that I just can't hold it myself hence writing it out loud here. HEHE. My life for the past 3 months was an emotional roller-coaster ride of insecurities, expectations, and millions of what-ifs if that's what you really need to know.


Fortunately, I'm trying to at least chill (which can be excruciatingly hard sometimes) and even enjoy every single second I'm in right now. I am actually dropping all of my freelance works and projects and spend more times with people I truly care and love: my big family, friends, and colleagues. And starts journaling for the umpteenth times. Plus, making peace with myself.

I'm on my way to making another self-motivating Pinterest board for 2018 (shoutout to Balen!), especially for my upcoming new chapters in life. Here's for the words I currently live by for now that I recently stumbled across:
If you're feeling frightened about what comes next, don't be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path toward happiness; don't waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes, because you'll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart... where your hope lives. You'll find your way again." – Everwood
So yeah, if you ever meet me in person these days, I'm okay. Just anxious (because CN will always be feeling or looking anxious), and ultimately excited in my uncertainty, haha. Once again,

"Hey London, can we be good friends?" 


  1. geezzz! you'll on S2 year? or doing something more exciting than school again? hihihi :D But I'm so happy for you , hope everything goes really damn well dear! It's your favorite city btw :) Hope you'll do good, and it does for you. A lot lot lot of luck and blessings for you.

    1. Hi, Jan! It's really nice to talk to you again in this blog! :D
      Yes, I'll start my master course on January next year (which means it'll be on the next two months!). It's been a roller-coaster emotion for me and honestly I lost some of my sleep time for making up some scenarios in my mind (which can be so dangerous if I keep on doing this!). But anyway, this thing slowly fades as it getting closer to the day and I'm pretty sure I'm getting more and more prepared. :)
      Thank you for the kind words! I hope for the best too for all the things you do! x



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